a twinkle of a bird and a

I stood in the hallway of this giant building that houses children with "health challenges", I told a mother today, overlooking the scene below. A clown festival party, red nosed, polk-a-dotted smiles and dancing obtuse shoes. The mother from Persia whose newborn hasn't been home for more than 5 days in 2 months told me that my torquoise ring would ward off wrong doings, negative thoughts, the evil eye. She fears that her son or her have been cursed by such tragedy she told the Nigerian mother who fears her daughter's safety in their home country because there, she says human touch is infrequent for those with disabilities or health complications and the Moroccon mother with giggling baby explained that her son will have a few more surgeries before they can return home to their new Canadian city. And as these three, baby and smiles in arms, spoke of their overwhelming sadness, of isolation, lonliness, shame, of daily tears and exhaustion, their powerful energy and courage astounded me, broke my heart and rebuilt it. A daily event that seems to never weaken in shock... Today I also met one of 15 spritualist, a Hindu woman speaking of the healings of meditation, hired by the hospital for support of families today and I now come home to my balcony bedroom, birds twinkling and greens to brush the wind and I can see and hold and know that the unraveling struggle of beauty is God.

Oh Canada

Oh Canada, loves to give me a hard time, keep me out but today, successfully, I pushed through to the kind people, the ones that with a sure enough smile will lead you home and sit silently with you on a dirty train, not to question your dress of choice for the day. I landed at my subway station to find that the fresh fruit and vegetable stand across the street appears to be 24 hours. what a pleasurable discovery! but the city now is asleep and all are with families in doors cuddling. this vagabond life will revel in itself tomorrow, is my hope. an all day beach party open for all, and free free free. tuesday will start again my placement at Sickkids which I have great excitement for. a purpose, a passion, I need/want to indulge!

a wake up of rain

This morning I woke to the pouring of rain and the bang of thunder but this afternoon is delightfully sunny and joyful after an evening of celebrating the 81st year since Nana was born... Peggy and I had many moments of meditating on her life, reflecting on her unique character and we started a dance party at an Irish pub to honor her joy! I spent the morning at a doctor's clinic run by a group of nurses from China who told me to "pee-pee" in the washroom (i'm still dealing with immigration and need a medical clearence which is a long winded sob story I will not bore you all with as it is ALmost all done with and over) and then a stop with Peggy to the Greek bakery on the corner of my street which has the most intricate and beautifully smelling and asthetically pleasing pastaries and sweets I have every seen. I purchased what looked like my favorite desert (a layer of ricotta cheese yum) made by Aunt Helen Haddad but it was surely something different, shreded wheat soaked in honey with some nuts. still tasty.
The week at the hospital was incredibly overwhelming and fabulous every night I was so exhausted to spend a moment decompressing and debriefing to my new housemates and mom was about all that I had left before my head hit the pillow. And yesterday was the M.U.G. clinic which brought in children who have been treated at the hospital, most have gone through surgical procedures and all were born intersex. Almost every child was originally from a different country and their parents had sought refugee status for them as their physical anatomy deviated from the norm, their homeland country and the culture to which they lived did not perserve their safety....and quality of life expected to be very poor. And here they are in Toronto, receiveing some of the best care in the world! Oddly enough a Psychologist from Amsterdam arrived in Toronto around the same time as me for the same amount of time as well! She works at the clinic that I studied while I was in the Netherlands, with folks whose essays and books I've been reviewed and referencing for years, and came to Toronto to research and exptrapolate the positive practices used here. Pretty extroidinary. I have a few clients lined up for me, all young girls who were born intersex and are eager to start counseling which is a rare- to have completely volintary excited individuals- and for me for my first clients is so perfect and exciting. I absolutely love the hospital and I think it's also a rare find to want to attend rounds in the morning! it's always comical and enjoyable. my supervisor is absolutely amazing and what i learn from her is invaluable and precious. Unfortunately I have to leave on Monday to sort out immigration/work permit/temporary residency stuff but will then return I HOPE! because I don't want to leave AT ALL which I've literally never felt anywhere, anytime, in my whole life.

Younge is the longest street in the world

I made my coffee this morning and then hopped in my supervisor, Barbara's car for my first day at Sick Kids Hospital... walking around all day, I was the in awe American, wanting to dance about all the "free" "free" "free"! and was finally able to dance! with a woman from Africa in her daughter's hospital room, we (she) danced her moves... another moment of reassurance goes a long way, all the way to the hall where a photograph of the CEO was pointed for my look, MARY JO HADDAD, former nurse, CEO of this unbeleivable hospital, this is where I am meant to be. And I knew, my grandmother, Mary Josephine Haddad, knew, this is where I am meant to be... in a hospital with a children's theatre and a project where families are provided life altering surgeries for FREE and people smile and say hello and healthy living is actually promoted in a hospital, can you believe it. and here I sit. finally here. After years of waiting I listen to my opera singing roommate downstairs sing her beautiful melody and watch little boys and big boys run down the street with their toys and the trees blossom outside my window and I have what feels like the world outside my window. that won't open mind you. but it doesn't matter because I can smell my mom's coooking downstairs, fresh basil and tomatos that she purchased from the fruit and vegetable stand down the street in the hub of Greektown, "The Danforth" my neighborhood hot spot. Yesterday Peggy and I stumbled into an all bulk store, endless rows of dried and needing to be boiled and full baralls of all you need and want to walk home with your usable bags (plastic bags cost 5 cents) and chop and eat and leave the remnants in your Toronto city compost bin (picked up once a week). And it's those small, minute, tiny, itty bitty (yes Dad it is a word) things that bring one tiny, itty, bitty person to see that among all this chaos and uncertainty is a patterned quilt of perfection.
Will continue to fill you in, with what is filling me.