She had one screwdriver

She is the only one The one I write about She never drank never lost her inhibition with libation never late to the station. She had one screwdriver once. She hated it. She is not this woman next to me not joking about Tom Selek. Why was her loss so profound? Why did it kill something in me? Regret, regret of my defiance, guilt of my rejection, shame of not being as great as she thought I was.

Fucking format

I curse now. That she’s gone. I’d give a Million curses to Never curse. I’d give it all For him to come Home. Is gone Forward. I am told to go. Forward. She is leaning Her skin grey and hair too. To miss what’s here Already. Because you might know Death Already.and others join a fight To disobey. As we do. When we can.

On January 31st, 2017

She left her orange travel bag behind. She decided this trip that no items were needed. She loved her things, but not more than A smile, a dance, Tom Selek. She left her bag behind and chose her time. She left her schooling behind and chose to follow her calling To be a mother. A simple stripe, a simple design, sturdy, wide, strong, built with material to carry Intentions, grace, mercy, care, safety, rice and poultry Security. She left her safety for the uncertain, The unknown With faith, the spirit The soul Is the joy of growth, health, peace. To be whole- not contained. She left her orange day and her orange bag and her forgiveness and humor. She left her strength, Sturdy and steady. She left in the sunshine of dolphins dancing for her body That left. Dedicated to my grandmother, friend, role model, and fan Mary Josephine (Bowab) Haddad To be in peace with the souls of those who have gone before and the souls that will join again.

In September

She was born on an orange day. And they named her the first To be a mother. She said yes, and welcomed, A song, any song, for a dance. She welcomed, A call, any call for a shared smile. She welcomed, A smile, any smile, for shared sweet tears. And on the day of orange and reds, she Is named, Mary For always to be the mother. To always be the grand-est. Mother. Dedicated to Mary Josephine (Bowab) Haddad Born Sept. 29, 1925 in Canton, Ohio and passed on to her next adventure on Jan. 31st, 2017 in Fort Myers, FLorida at 92 years and 4 months old.

Tomorrow is Sept. 29th

In September She was born on an orange day And they named her the first To be a mother. She said yes, and welcomed. It was with strident pride. She welcomed, A song, any song, for a dance. She welcomed, Call, any call, for a shared smile. She welcomed, Smile, any smile, for shared sweet tears. And on the day of orange and reds, she Is named Mary For always to be the mother. To always be the grand-est. Mother. DEDICATED TO MY GRANDMOTHER, MARY J. HADDAD, FOR HER 88TH BIRTHDAY, 2012

We rounded the corner and he sensed it, smelled it, craved it. His intensity painted our steppings, which direction to follow? I led us home and he followed with ears up and neck straight not his typical comportment, not when there is no other dog in sight, squirrel scampering across the street, new friend to meet. He stood tense as I removed his collar and went into the closet to find his brush. He stood tense and cooperatively as I brushed him rough and loving pillows of hair billow in the cold wind on an unusual june 4th day. I often feel blessed in these moments of simplicity. helping my loving dog shed his winter coat, preparing for the summer that has come and gone and will come again as all things do. He patiently waited until he felt my satisfaction. And he bolted in his greyhoud speed to the opposite end of the driveway, my neighborhood called out to tell me it was a black cat he was trying to find and we watched him as he "innocently" searched in his untamed symmetry. I adore him. "Where's the cat? Where's the cat?". And he stares back at me with open eyes to swallow the everything that I want to pour into him. Like baby Gavin, his eyes wide and joyful, rubbing him belly and the belly of the character book, "Where's the cat? Where's the cat? meow meow".

Filamena

Every day I walk by the old Q and F Tailor Shop. Through the windows, peaking in, to aged brown frames of dusty family photos visiting with ferns, begonias, and bamboo crowded into corners of the store front. And yesterday, I opened the cracked glass door. Filamena was in the back pinning pants for another customer. I listened for a moment to the radio tell stories of government mistrust, Rhode Island corrupt politics, I hesitated to say hello wondering if the store was closed for the day and I had entered and stood unannounced. "Hello," I said to the back of the room. She picked up her head and walked towards me- memories of Sister Henrietta, my second grade teacher creeping into my body from the way her skirt fell, her bare legs and casual sneakered shoes. We discussed a blazer, we discussed my pant length, we talked business. And then I asked her, "How long have you had this shop here?" as I looked around at the multitude of sewing machines, tables, spools, plastic covered garments. She told me she opened it probably before I was born- 1985. And I lit up- the exact year I was born- something in her was born. We smiled sincerely to one another- suddenly a love seed, planted. And Filamena and I spent the next hour and half or two standing in her shop, she speaking of her life, me listening. The details of her home destroyed by a bomb- it was WWII, Italy- the war that took her father- the fight and hatred in the world that created a trajectory for her life- her struggle, her pain, her inspiration, her passion, her adventure, her sadness.
That day after the bomb dropped, and her family opened their eyes to nothing but the clothing that lay on their skin, and the voices that came from their mouths and the touch of one another's hands- until that was lost as well. Taken on a truck by unknown men in suits speaking of their manipulated minds, she was separated from her mother for 4 months, lost, orphaned. To be reunited later- how tender her words of her mother were spoken. Filly her mother called her, was taught to sew, as her mother sewed her First Communion dress and the suit for her brother- pride for her to sit and stand and walk with the other children, in this town outside Rome. A young seamstress a tailor, wants to defy all odds- go to the place that was spoken of a treasured land that was near impossible to stand on. Her passport is given, stamped by her unknown first cousin-a blessing he was assigned her case- and she arrives in the United States. Alone, with no familiar face, she finds her space, she takes her space, what has already been created for her in the world- the world of her choosing. I give Filly a hug goodbye. Our special meeting, my new neighbor. Till Saturday comes, I will pick up my pants, shortened, from my new friend.